10/14/2026

1:01 pm, according to my laptop.

Funny how things play out. I am sitting here at my dinner table, preparing to maybe write something worth reading. My Laptop thinks its 1:02pm but my phone alarm just rang for 12:02, time to open my laptop and write. I have a lot of alarms that keep my days a bit structured. I am practicing taking care of my own time. I feel strongly that in todays world it can be remarkably easy to slide into disease of waisted time and stagnent hours. The problems of today are so bizarre to the human body. The fact that I am intentionally making sure I get my steps in, eat veggies, and spend less time on my phone is truly a bonkers reality. 

It makes me angry at the world, I suppose. It’s hard not to just be angry with myself. I am 31 years old, a newlywed, and I have never been in worse physical shape. Which really grinds my gears, if I am honest. Because in a whole lot of ways I am healthier than I have ever been! (1:07pm) That really is the truth of it. I have a pretty solid morning routine, a well-suited nighttime routine, my house is relatively well kept, and the relationships in my life are strong and well rooted. To be frank, even my relationship with movement and especially with food I would consider to be relatively healthy from the standpoint of where I have been before. 

Here’s the catch, the awkward part that feels weird to admit. I am a homemaker. I don’t have a job that gets me out of the house. I want to point out here that this is not something I look down on in a general sense. I just come from a single-mom household and a family of strong, powerful, independent women. None of them are giving me any kind of guff for the life I am living either though; it all comes from my own hesitations. I will just explain that this is a choice we have made for the time being. My husband is in his apprenticeship, and we are moving all over the western United States. We live in a camper trailer, and we have moved 7 times in the past year and a half. It is a good life that is giving me the opportunity to learn the more basic skills of health and wellbeing. I am genuinely grateful for this opportunity. 1:43pm, according to my laptop. I took a walk with my dog to move the juices a bit.

Now here’s the rundown. I am sitting here the healthiest version of myself in a well-being kind of way, and yet, as stated at the jump: I am in the worst physical shape of my life. How irritating is that?! I guess getting into my thirties, the body really do be changing the way they always warned me about. That is not the only factor, though. I have realized that I have spent a whole lot of my life using my work as my fitness and food. I have worked with kids, dogs, the elderly, as a bartender, a coach, a leader, and an event planner. I have worn quite a few different hats, but I have never had a sit-down job. I will also mention that I have always been the kind of woman who had a harder time remembering to eat than I did with eating too much. Along with that, I also have held an awkward sort of childhood fear around food and fitness. 

I think as I look at what I am writing in this particular “essay,” I am in some ways introducing a whole slew of topics that might have to be their own post. For now, I am getting a lot of the jumble that is in my head onto the screen. With that being said, when I was 27 I had a life collapse, come to Jesus season. Within it I had a spinal injury, contributing to a massive weight loss. I was the thinnest and least healthy I have ever been. But you know as well as I do, a thin woman is never as alarming as a thick woman, regardless of what got her there. 

So now I stand in the month of October, year 2026, embarking on the next season of my health journey. Looking the most out-of-shape yet also standing in the most healthy grounded lifestyle I’ve yet to experience. I will not go back to being scared of food or movement as punishment. This journey will look like rainbows and fireflies. Strength and soul of a mustang and eagle. I am not on a health journey because I want to be hot for the summer ( although lets not pretend I don’t look forward to feeling sexy again). I am embodying a health journey that can lead me to my forever lifestyle. 

1:57pm, according to my computer. 

2:07, after rereading and making a couple of edits. I’ll be honest with you. Although I am sure it is obvious.. I am keeping myself raw and real. If you are reading this you are standing with me at the VERY beginning. I am not waiting until I am ready. I start today, again.